


Untitled Cucco Fanfiction

by Splfguy



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: ACAB - All Cuccos are bastards, BAWK, Birds refusing to recognize man's ascendancy, Cucco Crimes, Flaps wings, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Press Y to Bawk, Steals your belongings, The Cucco is a mastermind, an evil mastermind, gannon wishes he could wreak havoc like the cuccos, link is stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splfguy/pseuds/Splfguy
Summary: It's a lovely morning in Hyrule and you are a horrible Cucco.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. The Great plateau: Get The Hero's Slate

Link’s sweaty hands grasped the brick wall in front of him. His pulse pounded in his ears as he desperately searched for a firm hold on the moss covered stone. As soon as he got a good hold of the wall he launched himself upward as quickly as his limbs could propel him. 

Behind him he could hear the beeping of the crippled guardian as it readied it’s cannon to fire. Link could not see it’s targeting light but could practically feel it on his back as if it were about to burn a hole through his old threadbare shirt. 

Time slowed to a crawl as Link raced up the wall as fast as he could. His mind counted down the seconds until he knew the ancient machine would fire. Without a second to spare his arms cleared the top of the old ruined wall and he pulled hard to hoist himself over the cover. 

It was then that the Guardian fired it’s weapon.

A deafening boom echoed off the hills and cliffs of the Great Plateau. Link was propelled upwards by the blast. Where he had hoped to crawl over the wall he was now launched by the force of the explosion. He hit the ground on the other side hard and rolled until he hit something.

Link laid motionless for several minutes as he tried to recompose himself. When he was finally convinced that he was not dead he opened his eyes and looked around. 

The cold dark stone he had rolled up against turned out to be a Sheikah Shrine. The slate at his hip beeped and a glance at the screen confirmed it to be the Ja Baij Shrine, the one he had come here to find.

Link felt a dark chuckle escape his lips before the fading adrenaline left him to drop to his knees. His heart was still pounding in his chest, his lungs gasping for every bit of air they could get, and his boots smoked from where the blast had singed them.

But he was alive and more importantly he had made it to his next objective. 

It had been an eventful first day out of the Shrine of resurrection. He had learned much about the state Hyrule was in and yet he still had so many questions. He had been through another shine already but this was the closest he had yet come to his second death.

And all this for an old man’s paraglider.

Link ran his hand through his hair and cursed his fate as he turned around to sit against the shrine. His hand reached into his pocket and grabbed a spare apple he had grabbed earlier in the day, It would make a good snack and he needed a short break. 

The fruit was a large one but his ravenous appetite made quick work of it. Before long it was down to the core. As Link savored the last bite he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head to look he saw a cucco entering the small courtyard from what was once the entrance a century ago. 

Link felt a flash of envy towards the animal, jealous of its ability to move freely without being targeted by the ancient guardians. Tossing the remains of the apple aside for the cucco to finish up he leaned his head back against the shrine and debated taking a nap before heading into the shrine. 

He didn’t know exactly why he was so tired but figured that his century long slumber in the Shrine of Resurrection probably had something to do with it. Surely he used to be in better shape, capable of climbing a short wall faster than he had and without using all of his stamina.

Deciding against taking further rest Link jumped up to his feet and made his way to the shrine’s entry pedestal. His hand went to his hip to grab the Sheikah Slate only to find the holster empty. A brief moment of panic and confusion froze him in place until he realized he had simply forgotten to take it when he stood up. 

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the realization. The comfort was short lived however as he stepped back over to his resting spot to find that somebody else had picked it up.

Or rather something else had picked it up. 

The handle of the slate now rested between the beaks of the cucco that had come into the courtyard moments earlier. Link let himself laugh at the ridiculous sight before reaching down to take the slate from the animals mouth.

At least he would have if it hadn’t taken the opportunity to dash through his open legs. Link cursed the animal as he spun around to find it. By the time he did it was well on its way back to the exit from the courtyard.

“Hey get back here damn it!” Link yelled out as he dashed after the slate stealing livestock. The Cucco meanwhile made its way out of the courtyard’s walls and back out into the surrounding field. Link was hot on its feet, chasing after it with his arms held out to try and grasp the slate back at any opportunity. 

Link realized almost too late where the animal had led him into. The familiar and terrifying red targeting light from a guardian crossed his vision and his limbs acted on instinct to dive out of the way. It was just in time too as the beam went flying over his head. 

A quick glance to where the blast had come from confirmed the danger Link was in. The knowledge was only stressed further when he saw it standing between him and yet another guardian which was charging up its cannon.

A nearby pillar provided good enough cover but Link knew did not have very long to enjoy it. Being caught in the field of fire of not one but two guardians was beyond what he was prepared to deal with. The sooner he got the slate back from the cucco and back behind the safety of the courtyard walls the better. 

He cautiously peared around the pillar to see the small animal walk up to the second guardian and release the ancient Sheikah device from its beak and let it drop to the dirt at the base of mechanical beast.

Completely unbothered by the danger it had put Link in the cucco pecked at the dirt around it before turning to look back at Link.

“BAWK” it cried out with a flap of its wings before wings before going back to pecking at the dirt. 

Link’s body launched into action before he had even finished formulating a plan. His legs dug into the dirt and pushed him out from behind the column before speeding him into a run. The guardian in front of him charged up it’s beam and prepared to fire. Link anticipated the moment of danger and at the last second dove to the ground to dodge the blast, which shot behind him and destroyed the column he hid behind seconds earlier. 

With no time to lose he shot back up to his feet and continued his mad dash. His ears sought out the sound of the other guardian’s charging weapon past the pounding of his pulse. An idea formed in his head and he willed his legs to carry him faster, desperate that his plan might work.

After a few terrifying seconds which felt like hours, he finally reached the guardian and his hand reached down to grab a hold of the slate. At the same time the charging cannon from the other guardian reached its apex and fired it’s beam. Link’s momentum carried him forward into a dive as the beam shot passed through where he stood an instant earlier and struck the other guardian. 

The resulting explosion blew Link into a tumbling roll through the grass. He closed his eyes and held onto the slate for dear life as he waited to come to a stop. 

When he finally did his eyes shot open to take in any new information about his predicament. A glance over to where he had been thrown from confirmed that one of the guardians had been destroyed by the other’s cannon. The hull now sat smoking and burning from a large hole where the beam had struck it. 

Unfortunately he didn't even have time for relief to register before he realized how much trouble he was still in. The explosion had thrown him over to a nearby wall, where he now sat in front of the still active guardian like a prisoner awaiting execution. 

The beam was already charging up, clicking and beeping at a terrifying speed. With no cover close enough Link’s mind jumped to the only option available to him. His hand reached over his back and found the rusty old shield which he had found earlier in the day. Link had serious doubts that this shield, or any shield for that matter, was up to the task he was about to attempt. However he had no choice and could only say a silent prayer to whatever powers had watched over him in the Shrine of Resurrection as he prepared for what came next.

The guardian’s eye flashed brightly as it let loose it’s deadly stream. At that instant Link threw the shield in front of him and began to push it outwards. He felt a tremendous force hit the shield but against all odds both it and his arm held firm as he completed his outward swing. 

As his arm fully extended he could feel his feet lose their balance under the great force that was pushing him backwards. A brief moment of panic filled him until he saw what he was praying for come to pass. 

The beam had struck the guardian. Somehow he had managed to deflect it and return it to its sender. 

Overcome with adrenaline and emotion Link let himself fall to the ground without even trying to regain his balance. As soon as he hit the dirt he rolled over to lay face up in the grass. One hand clutched the shield which had saved his life and the other clung to the slate he had risked it all for. Both hands shook with a wild mix of emotion. 

For several minutes he could only lay there staring up at the sky. His mind ran through the last few minutes in his head but could hardly believe that any of it had really happened. If it actually had then surely he should be dead. But the pounding in his chest confirmed what he was so hesitant to believe.

He was alive, somehow.

For a while the only thing he felt was the soft grass under his back and the pumping of his racing pulse. When a new sensation reached his senses he jumped right back to his feet to search for the disturbance and possible threat.

There at his feet stood the Cucco which had started all of this. Link stared at the little animal as if it were the Calamity itself. If the cucco were capable of noticing then it almost certainly didn’t care. 

It only spread it’s short links and let out a shrieking cry.

“BAWK BAWK!”

~~Get the Hero's Slate~~


	2. Kakariko Village: Steal the Hero's offerings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link arrives in Kakariko, but the Cuccos are already waiting for him.

The late afternoon sun had set behind the tall hills surrounding Kakariko VIllage. It was not so late to be considered evening but the village’s peculiar location in the hills meant that the Sheikah settlement was bathed in shadow sooner than the surrounding area. The residents began to light the various lanterns scattered around which lit the thatch roofs in a warm orange light.

Link let out a heavy sigh of relief when he first laid eyes on the village. His journey through the dueling peaks and up into the hills had been a long and tiring one and his destination looked to be safe and pleasant. Not only could he speak to Impa the Sheikah elder and get direction for his quest but it would also be a good place to rest for a day or two.

Despite the aching of his feet his boots dug into the dirt and began to carry him away from the overlook and into the village. He crossed over a wooden bridge which stood over a stream before the path took a turn to the left and led him downwards into the village. In front of him he could see shopkeepers closing their stores for the day and wishing a good evening to their fellow Sheikah who passed by. To his left he saw a man tending to his patch of pumpkins and behind that was an elderly woman doing the same to a small garden of plum trees. Link breathed the sights in, it was a kind of peace he had not seen since he awoke in the Shrine of Resurrection. It felt as if this little settlement was entirely isolated from the chaos that had befallen the rest of Hyrule. 

He continued to make his way down the path until something on his other side caught his attention. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a man in a small pin struggling with something and whatever it was was also making a ruckus. Glancing over he saw the sheikah man standing at the entrance to a small coop just as a cucco shook out of his hands and got past him, bawking all the way. 

Link sympathized with the Sheikah who would probably have quite the hard time trying to corral his livestock back into the coop for the night. For a moment he considered going over to help but thought better of it. Link knew he would not be as good with the animal as its owner and caretaker and so he would probably be more of a hindrance than anything. Besides he had his own responsibility to take care of. 

Link approached the stairs which led up to a large pagoda overlooking the village. Knowing that must be his destination he went to ascend the stairs when something, or rather someone, stopped him. It was a guard standing with his shoulder spread out as far as they would go in the small archway, blocking the path up the stairs.

“You there! Who are you! How dare you trespass on Lady Impa’s abode!” He all but shouted, one hand going near the weapon at his side as if to draw it at a second’s notice. 

“I’m here to meet Lady Impa, I am on a quest to save Hyrule and I am in need of her wisdom to guide me.” Link replied, holding his hands up in an apologetic and conciliatory gesture. It didn’t work as he had hoped as the guard kept his hand near his weapon, obviously trying to signal Link to move along.

“A Hylian, trying to save the land? That would mean…” The Sheikah man said, seemingly thinking that whatever possibility had occurred to him was ridiculous. “If you really are who you say you are then you would have a Sheikah Slate.” 

“I do! I do!” Link excitedly answered before reaching for his pack. This was the wrong move as the guard pulled his blade out of an apparent belief that Link was reaching for one of his own. Link took a step back and returned his hands to their earlier gesture, cursing his luck as he did so. He had taken to keeping the slate in his pack ever since the incident back on the plateau. It was inconvenient but it was better than losing it, although now was certainly a drawback he had not seen coming. 

Once they had calmed down he reached back into his bag and pulled out the Slate, holding it up to show the guard. The suspicion on his face quickly faded to be replaced by awe. His faces scrunched up in thought for a moment before giving Link a nod.

“I shall go inform Lady Impa of your arrival, please wait here.” He gestured towards the ground next to the stairs where a series of stone statues stood, each with an offering plate in front of them. “In the meantime, I ask that you give a small offering to the Goddess. It is tradition for all new visitors to the Sheikah elder to do so.”

Without saying another word or waiting for Link to do so the man turned around and began climbing up the long flight of stairs leading up to the large house. The sound of the wooden steps creaking became quieter as he ascended, leaving Link alone at the bottom. He let out a heavy sigh and wiped his brow. That hadn’t gone as smoothly as he had hoped but they could have gone much worse. He briefly considered returning the slate to the holster at his hip but decided against it. Losing the ancient device would be too detrimental to his journey and so he would simply have to do with it in his bag. 

Turning his attention back towards the statues and their offerings he saw that most of them were already filled. All but the one in the center already had a single red apple resting in their respective basket. Reaching back into his pack Link pulled out one of his own and set it gently down into the empty bowl at his feet. 

Nothing happened, although Link wasn’t sure if anything was supposed to. They were statues of Hylia , did he have to say a prayer or something? His had scratched the back of his head in confusion before he saw something move in one of the baskets to his right. 

It was a cucco pecking away at one of the apples. Link felt a surge of annoyance at the animal and went down to swat the fruit out of its beak and shoo it away. Unfortunately he had no sooner done that before seeing another cucco at the other end of the line of statues taking an apple into its beak and starting to walk away. He was just as quick to jump over and pull the treat from the livestock’s mouth but unfortunately that was not the end of his problems. Looking around him he saw several of the birds milling about and eyeing up the other apples in the offering bowls. Back towards where he had come from he saw the Sheikah man he had witnessed struggling with the cuccos earlier chasing one down the path. The problem had obviously grown well out of his control. 

As if the cuccos could sense his momentary distraction one of them dashed between Link’s legs and picked up the apple Link had just set down a moment ago. He was quick to respond and take back the apple, but where one had been retaken another two were being taken away by the devious birds. Link moved frantically to return the offerings to their rightful places while at the same time trying to shoo the vulturous foul away from the statues. 

The next several minutes where near chaos as Link struggled against the cuccos. He hoped that maybe if he could do it for just a minute or two the livestock’s owner would finally come over and be able to herd them back to their coop. But when he saw the helpless Sheikah still struggling to catch the same one he knew that it would be a while before that happened. Every time he would manage to stop one cucco another would be walking away with an apple, and just when he would get the fruit out of its beak he would have to jump to the defence from yet another one of the devilish birds. 

By the time the cuccos finally got fed up and wandered off Link was left panting for breath with all five of the apples in his arms. He shifted them to one arm so he could wipe the sweat off of his brow and let out a sigh of relief that the ordeal was over. 

That was until he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him followed by the voice of the Sheikah Guard. 

“What are you doing?”

Link turned to face the man whose eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the small bounty of fruit which laid in Link’s arms. His expression quickly changed from one of shock to one of disgust and anger, his face reddening and teeth gritting before he began to speak again.

“I can’t believe this! In all of the many years in this village I’ve never known anybody to stoop so low as to steal our offering to the Goddess Hylia.” Link looked between his filled arms and the empty offering baskets in front of the statues. He began to sputter out a defense and an explanation of the cuccos. He was barely able to trip over a few words before he was cut off by the furious Sheikah.

“We give those to thank the Goddess for all she provides for us and to humbly ask for more. For you to have the nerve to take from that is simply unbelievable.” He seemed ready to pull out his sword before he remembered who Link was. The fact that Link was the Princess’s century gone appointed Knight did little to soothe his rage. 

“Sir you don’t understand, I was just trying to protect the apples from the-” Link was interrupted once again.

“Lady Impa was prepared to see you but if this is how you behave then I don’t think you should meet her tonight. You may come back when you have learned respect.” The guard waved an angry finger around, pointing at Link and then to the village’s exit up on the hill. Before Link could say another work the man turned around and began to storm back up the stairs. 

Link’s arms fell to his side in shock and embarrassment at what just happened. He had come all this way to meet the elder Impa and now he was going to be turned away at her door. Would he even be allowed to see her if he came back tomorrow? Was there even anything at all he could possibly do to fix this and repair the trust between him and the Sheikah elder? 

Meanwhile the apples tumbled to the ground. Some came to a quick rest in the dirt while others bounced off of Link’s boots and rolled away from him. He didn’t even notice at first, his attention focused on the back of the Sheikah guard as he made his way to the top of the stairs before opening and slamming the front door to Impa’s home behind him. Even then it took Link several moments to pull his eyes off of the door, and that was only because he felt something brush past his ankles. 

Looking down he saw the source of his misfortune. It was one of the cuccos standing over an apple that had come to rest next to Link’s feet. It beak was already digging into the flesh of the red treat, exposing the juicy insides. Link glared unbelievingly at the small animal as it nipped away at it’s hard fought meal. When it had finally pecked away and eaten the last of the apple’s flesh it looked up at Link as if to make eye contact. Spreading it’s short wings it opened its mouth, letting bits of half chewed apple fall from its beak.

“BAWK!”

~~Steal the Hero’s offerings~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter of this. Wanted to upload something else by now but I've had the holidays, a move, a new job, and a cold to deal with to start off the year. I got some other stuff in the works and hopefully it comes to fruition soon. In the mean time I'll keep putting out some of these every now and then.

**Author's Note:**

> Have you played the Untitled Goose Game? Because if you haven't you really should, the game is fantastic.
> 
> So I finally finished a short story again. This was actually something I wrote up really quick while working on another longer one shot. I have the first draft of that done and it should be out soon. 
> 
> As for this I would like to continue this although there isn't actually any planned schedule or anything. I'll probably just be throwing together a chapter or two whenever I'm stuck on something else or have a really good idea for one, or just really want to write something.  
> Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it.


End file.
